My Ellie is gone.

6/11/2013- 1/30/2024

She changed my life and made me who I am today, in a million ways. She wasn’t a pet, or a pig. She was a little person, my daughter. A force of nature who made her own destiny here on earth. As I felt her soul leave her body, I felt part of mine ripped from me.

Ellie touched so many lives. She changed minds and hearts about pigs; the depth of their emotion, empathy and intelligence. Her presence filled up the whole house… her sense of humor, boisterous confidence, mischievous antics, bossing humans and animals alike, the way she loved Snoop Dogg and needed no less than 10 blankets to be tucked in with each night along with a kiss goodnight.

It’s because of her that I am who I am today, and that’s no exaggeration. Tracing the threads of time they go back to the day she came into my life- a self serving gift from an abuser to ameliorate and distract from their wrongs by giving me a cute piglet on a whim. Little did they know she would become my anchor in the storm and catalyst for change.

Ellie taught me what compassion really means. She also taught me to insist on your wellbeing, whether others understand it or not. To fiercely fight for those you love, to stand up for those who can’t, to be a voice for the voiceless. She taught me to stop and revel in trying a new food, feel sunshine on your face, to always make time to snuggle. Not a day went by that she didn’t make me smile, laugh and feel loved with the fullness of her whole heart.

Her beautiful face graced 3 magazines, National Geographic shows, TV interviews, news articles, t-shirt campaigns, and even a children’s book. She was my bridespiggy in our wedding (She always wore a dress better than I ever could). She knew more tricks than I can count, played piano with gusto, understood everything I said, and had ways of answering that I knew by heart.

Because of her, I met Amber, another pig mom… and the two of them would show me that calling myself an animal lover while I ate them didn’t make sense. I went vegan, giving me a healthier body and future, and saw the value in all life. I learned that simple compassion can change the world. Amber and I became friends, and after her passing I started the Amber’s Refuge program to support domestic violence survivors.

Because of Ellie, I met my best friend Syron and gained chosen family in her and Sherry. If you don’t know her name by now, Syron is a veterinarian. Most vets aren’t interested in working with pigs; they’re cantankerous, unwieldy and take extra time and patience. Unfortunately they’re often seen more as livestock than pets or the sentient beings they are. But when I introduced Ellie and my other pigs to Dr. Oleson, she was open minded, curious, and welcomed the challenge. Many rescue adventures, spays, neuters and emergency surgeries followed, and countless lives were saved because Dr. O saw Ellie and the others for the amazing beings they really are, and loves them in all their complexity.

As I learned more and more about these incredible creatures, my passion grew into rescuing and advocating for them, and being a part of founding the Pig Advocates League where I made another lifelong friend in Dianna. She brought her depths of wisdom, creativity and love for helping pigs, always supporting my ideas and eventually helping me found Pigtopia as a non profit sanctuary. Ellie was the face of our mission- a better world for people and pigs through compassion. I was humbled as people around the world chose us to sponsor and support. Stetson, Kelly, Jennifer, Lori, the Felix family, Barbara, Sheri, the Jeffreys, the Rogers, and many more believed in us from day one, and made it possible for me to rescue, spay/neuter and give our pigs the life they deserve. There’s too many more to name here, but to every person who has given their time, effort and donations through this journey, I thank you with a grateful heart.

An amazing woman named Bonnie was inspired by the Amber’s Refuge mission- she hiked across Scotland to help us make it a reality, and bring awareness to domestic violence survivors… all connecting back to that one moment when Ellie came into my life.

Ellie was snuggled alongside me as I wrote my first major grant requests to fund Amber’s Refuge. RedRover chose us among hundreds of applicants, and funded our program. Safe Havens for Pets embraced and supported us. I cried in disbelief at this purpose she and Amber had given me being seen and supported in such a huge way.

Last summer we built the first enclosure, and took our first on site Amber’s case. We were able to facilitate a survivor leaving a life or death situation without leaving her beloved pig behind. Again, because of Ellie.

In 10 years Ellie only got in mud twice. She was far too sophisticated to be seen with other pigs, and a cat was her best animal friend. She loved her daddy with her whole heart- after she firmly bit him when they met to make sure he understood I was hers. From then on, she was obsessed with his feet, waited on him to get home from work, tackled him for full body snuggles, reveled in playing tag with him and forcing him to tuck her in *just right*… several times a night.

Ellie brought all these things to me and so much more… unforgettable experiences, incredible honor, purpose and responsibility, friends and family I would never have known, life altering lessons, laughter and most of all a love unlike any I have or ever will experience again.

She was so strong and fought so hard, but when she told me she was hurting and tired, I could not let her hurt one more moment. She had been there for me every time, always there with her forceful snuggles through hard days and long nights. Always catching my tears in her bristly hair, listening without judgment, and then rousting me up when a new day came; she demanded I keep going.

She was healthy and happy until she suffered sudden unexplained nausea. Dr. Oleson was right there as always, and with her we did everything in our power to get her through. Michael and I took turns staying up every waking moment with her. After all less invasive and risky options were exhausted, she had an exploratory surgery to relieve pressure on her stomach and look for the cause. The pressure was relieved, but there was no definitive explanation for what was happening. There was no foreign body, blockage, toxin, or cancer. While we do not have all the answers, and that it in itself breaks my heart, we know that her organs and gastrointestinal tract weren’t functioning, she was fighting a bacterial infection and her heart was struggling mightily to support her system. She couldn’t maintain proper blood pressure and core temperature on her own despite all our efforts to help her fight through.

Her body was failing her indomitable spirit.

Ellie was a product of backyard breeders focused on only one thing- getting the smallest possible size pig. The trade off can be deadly, with congenital defects and difficulties that advance with age. It’s unfair; she was young, vibrant… my soulmate.

In recovery she felt relief from the pressure and I saw the twinkle in her eyes again… but just for a little while. She declined and by morning my precious baby told me she was tired and it hurt. I promised her I would never be selfish and let her hurt a moment longer beyond hope of healing, so I made the hardest and most painful decision of my life. In that moment, Syron gave her the last and greatest act of love, gently helping her to heaven with me, her Daddy and Merma (my mom) telling her how beautiful and loved she was. I want to believe that my friend Amber was there to greet her at the rainbow bridge, with a ridiculously big bow for her hair and bowl of blueberries and popcorn, her favorites.

If you’ve read this far, just know I could have written a thousand more words about my incredible daughter. With every passing moment, I feel the tug of all the threads connecting me to her. I’m reminded of the gift it was for her to be my baby, but I can’t help but wish she was still here with me.